sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
tequila makes me forget i have legs
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
