I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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