I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize