After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
