I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
