i would punch a child for taco bell
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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