i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
