You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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