I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
