when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
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hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I don't think brook has ever known best
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
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She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
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