My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
