I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Randomize
