you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I'm sobbing to NWA
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
