So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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