I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I love having hate sex.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
