im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
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