So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Randomize
