just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
