Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
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