I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
