i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Randomize
