dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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