She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
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My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
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I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
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