I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
