Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
