Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
