You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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