Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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