I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
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