When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
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