Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
