I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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