The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
It's blow job season.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
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