She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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