You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
