the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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