we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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