I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Randomize
