you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
i just wanna soil my oats bro
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
