it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
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I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
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My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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