i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
