Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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