it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
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