i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Be still, my beating vagina.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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