He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
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He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
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You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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