i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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