in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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