Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
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