She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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