I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
