awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Randomize
