Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
