I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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