it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
