Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
