you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
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