some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
