is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Randomize
