my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
