Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
