It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
