my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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