There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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