She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
