I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Randomize
