She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
