Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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