I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
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I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
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Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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