so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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