we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
You are a booty call, not a friend.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
