He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Randomize
