I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
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I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
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I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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