weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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