Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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