he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
