So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
there's paper in my vomit.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Randomize
