I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
