So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
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